NonProductive -- Highlander 2 by Rick Winkler

“Highlander 2” by Rick Winkler

Seeing as how long it took me to see Superman Returns, the lateness of this review shouldn't be much of a surprise.

Wow. I had been warned... repeatedly. All throughout college my friends tried to get me to watch The Highlander. They insisted I'd enjoy it. I summarily ignored them and went back to sulking over not having a girlfriend.

Finally, some time after college, I got bored enough to go out and rent The Highlander. Going in, I didn't expect much. Imagine my surprise when the movie lived up to its hype - immortals doing battle throughout Earth's history, with the action culminating in 1985 nonetheless. Sean Connery as a Spaniard! Swordplay and beheadings!

Needless to say I was impressed, and shouted the movie's praises to all whom I saw, including the friends who had for years been urging me to see the movie. They nodded and smiled, and then I'm sure they poured salt in my soda when I wasn't looking. I was then given a stern warning. Under no circumstances should I ever try watching Highlander 2. I was told in no uncertain terms that it didn't and couldn't live up to the first one.

Being the lazy sack of shit that I am, avoiding the movie was easy, until sometime last year, I found a copy of Highlander 2 for sale at a local video store for some paltry sum - probably two or three dollars. "How bad could it really be?", I asked myself. So, I paid for it, walked out, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw the video clerk light some incense to clear the remaining bad vibes from the video I'd bought out of the Blockbuster location.

I got home, put the video on my shelf, and left it unopened. Time passed and I moved to a new house. When the dust settled, I got bored and came across the video. Again, I asked myself whether or not it was as bad as I'd been told. After all, my friends were fanboys. Well, they knew what they were talking about with the first movie, so I should have listened to them about the second one.

To be fair, I actually enjoyed Highlander 2... a lot. I won't go into the plot. Chances are if you're reading this, you've seen it. Otherwise, I'll spare you a plot rundown. You've got better things to do with your time. Now, before you throw rotten produce at me and burn me at the stake as a witch, let me assure you that I enjoyed it on a completely different level than I did the first Highlander. The first movie was an action-packed classic. The second one was pure 80s cowflop camp. As an avowed fan of MST3K, I ate Highlander 2 with a knife and spoon.

The biggest complaint I have is how unexpected the sci-fi element was in Highlander 2, and how it royally contradicted Highlander 1 - repeatedly. Watching Highlander 2, you get the sense that nobody involved had seen the first movie, including and ESPECIALLY Christopher Lambert.

I can picture him screaming at the screenwriter and director, and then forcing out the lines with a shit-eating grin after they'd paid him off. Congratulations, Mr. Lambert. Do you feel you got fair market value for your soul?

Watching him squirm (and you can see it) in his performance alone is worth the price of admission. Michael Ironside, hot (?) off his performance in Top Gun also radiates a "why didn't I just go to hamburger college, like mother wanted?" vibe.

To sum up my thoughts on this movie, an example:

Sean Connery as Ramirez - He's got an ethnic Spanish name, but he's an alien. He's an alien that speaks with a Scottish accent. He's not just an alien, but though the power of technology, he's also immortal. Oh yeah, he's an immortal that can die (kind of contradicts the whole "immortal" thing, but that's another rant). But he's magical, and can come back as soon as his play pal McLeod calls him.

The lesson to be learned here kids is that crack is whack.

Rick Winkler

September 7, 2006

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