A NonProductive Blog

Ohmigod!

Tired of your blackness? Want to step into the fun, exciting world of white culture? Now you can! In as little as two weeks, you can go from a large afro female to a large white woman! Operators are standing by!

In all seriousness folks, I was taking in some internet literature earlier today when I came across this banner ad. Usually I do not give these ads a second glance but I immediately felt the urge to share it with as many people as possible. I have copied and pasted it…it is not doctored at all. Rest assured that this is also a serious, legit ad and not some type of crazy paint experiment. I demand that someone respond to it asking how they can make this incredible change.

Click on the pic to get the full screen view. You shant be disappointed!

Change has indeed come to the African American community.

Till Next Time,

xoxo Samantha “What the Hell Google” Little

Ohmigod! 

After checking out the latest NonProductive video on youtube, consider sticking around to watch the following abomination. 

My nephew was watching some delightful children’s programming earlier and this theme song came on.  Please do not ask what is going on in this video for I have no sh*tting idea. 

Sterilization Possible 

Happy Youtube Surfing, 

<3 

Samantha “Was He on Celebrity Fit Club” Little

Haven’t been around in a while. Nothing really funny to say. Sentence fragments abound.

But, I saw this and had to share. Someone took the time to overdub the “Family Ties” opening with the theme to “Who’s the Boss?”. I can’t even begin to fathom who has this kind of spare time.

Enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUlY02Thh8c

Ohmigod!

I was super bored NonPro fans so I found this great South Park character generator and went crazy.  Enjoy!

The NonProductive-ites

A Very NonProductive Fairytale

NonProductive & The Loud Idiots About to Engage in Mortal Combat!

Create your own South Park characters here!  Feel free to post your favorites here!

Happy Creating!

xoxo,

Samantha “Cheerleader-Princess” Little

Ohmigod!!! 

Vanity license plates and their owners are retarded. 

Don’t try to dispute it.  There is no argument.  Vanity license plates and their owners are retarded. 

Perhaps it is unfair of me to make such a controversial statement without explaining my rationale.  I was driving to NonProductive today on scenic Route 1.  Bored with driving, I decided to let my eyes wander and see if anything interesting was going on that I could bitch about on NonPro.  My eyes landed to the car in front of me which had the distinctive license plate, ‘CRAZD.’  I could not believe that an individual would pay money just to advertise their mental handicap.   

We all like to imagine that driving around with a license plate that says something ‘clever’ like ‘2FAST4U’ would automatically increase your cool factor.  Unfortunately, in the real would, it makes you look retarded. 

Outside of this terrible story of Route 1 distractions, there are several other reasons why such plates suck the big one. 

1. It makes you easy for others to remember you:  Thinking of a hit a run?  Want to rob a convenience store and need a getaway car?  Don’t even think of using a car with a vanity plate.  Others have a tendency to remember such retarded plates like ‘CRAZD’ and therefore could easily inform the CIA of your terrorist activity.  On the other hand, the New York car, whose owner was driving like a typical NY drunken asshole, will never be spotted again.  Why?  His license plate was some gibberish that my slack-ass mind could not even begin to try and memorize.
2. You come off as insane to others:  Is it fair to assume that ‘CRAZD’ was mentally handicap?  Yes.  Normal individuals do not want to be called ‘crazy,’ ‘handicapped’, or ‘insane in the membrane.’  Perhaps the government should begin to use vanity plates so normal individuals can spot idiots without ever interacting with them; thus, they will have ample opportunity to speed past them.  Such plates could include, ‘3DUI S,’ ‘FAT 360,’ and ‘BLINDDR.’
3. Time and energy does not bring benefits:  As I write this I recall that episode of The Simpsons where Marge goes to the DMV to get a vanity plate and eventually ends up debating ‘NITZY.’  What lazy, unemployed, piece of sh*t would take the time and energy to willingly go to the DMV just to get a vanity plate.  This is the reason why you go to the DMV to get your license renewed and end up waiting in a chair for three days just to find out you don’t have enough points to prove who you are.  I know that ‘CRAZD’ spent a good couple of days, if not weeks, between Warped Tour 2008 and a Ron Paul campaign rally, thinking about this plate.  RETARD!!!

The next time a vanity plate that says ‘H0TT1E’ seems tempted just remember these words of wisdom:  no matter what the plate it says, it still says ‘R3TARD.’ 

‘1LUVU’ 

<3 

Samantha ‘Plate Hater’ Little 

P. S. If you plate says ‘R3DRUM,’ you should start heading for the Canadian border now.  The cops have been trailing you for years.

Those of you who have been following the voting for the 2008 Loud Idiots Movie Awards are aware that as of the writing of this post, “Rowdy” Roddy Piper is currently leading the pack for Worst Performance by a Professional Wrestler for his role as Sam Hell in 1987’s Hell Comes to Frogtown.

 Now, I’ve never done drugs in my life, so the only explanation as to why this one is in my DVD collection is that I was bored late one night while buying an unwise amount of junkfood at the supermarket, and saw this “bargain” DVD near the register.  This was a thoroughly terrible movie.  I don’t remember much about the plot and refuse to re-watch it for purposes of a recap.  Thanks to IMDB, I know remember that this movie takes place after a major war.  Women now run the USA and Sam Hell (valuable for his fertility having survived the nuclear/whatever war) is at their mercy to rescue a group of fertile women, valuable for their fertility.  He wants no part in this.  He is forced to do their bidding, though, when they hold him hostage by strapping a fucking bomb to his junk.

 I don’t remember how it ends, nor do I want to.  I sat through it once, and I’ll only do so again in the interest of punishing another person.

So, one might expect this piece of cinematic diarrhea to be long gone and forgotten.  Amazingly enough… not so.  Apparently, in 1993, someone stood up and said, “you know, Hell Comes to Frogtown was a damn fine piece of cinema, but I think we can do better…”

And thus, the world was gifted with the afterbirth known as Frogtown II (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106970/).  Never seen it, but it’s got Lou Ferrigno in a supporting role.  No Roddy Piper.  Sounds like even better MST3K fodder than Hell Comes to Frogtown.  If the first one was a B-movie, this one had to be a C-movie.

I wish it could tell you it ended there, but in 1996, as Bill Clinton duked it out with Bob Dole, along came a movie known as Toad Warrior http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117930/ (AKA Hell Comes to Frogtown 3).  I’ll bet Mel Gibson is spinning in his grave…  Someone up there must like me because IMDB has an empty plot synopsis.  All I can tell (from the movie poster) is that the new lead is named Max Hell.

 With the dawn of the new century, one might think we were out of the dark.  Hardly.  I give you 2002’s straight to video (the others were released theatrically?) Max Hell Comes to Frogtown http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0342750/ Once again, thankfully, no plot synopsis.

So, FOUR fucking Frogtown movies, but no Ghostbusters 3 and no Back to the Future 4?  Fuck.  I hate Hollywood.

It’s a well-known fact that many of the great things we enjoy in this world came into being by accident.  Penicillin, for one - tasty, and fun for the whole family - was an accident.

Other things come into our collective culture through much trial and error.  Rome for example - was actually NOT built in a single day!

Flash back 20 years and you would have seen pretty much every American male (yours truly included) under 30 sporting a backwards baseball cap.  What most people don’t know is that the concept went through much prototyping before it reached the cultural icon status it eventually achieved.

First conceived by a somewhat bohemian Parisian in 1984, the backwards beret went largely unnoticed.

This was soon followed in 1986 by the backwards motorcycle helmet, invented by southern Harley enthusiast Billy-Ray McDougall (1964-1986)

Only in 1989 did the idea achieve it’s fully-evolved look finally appear.  Adored by all, it is rumored that there are isolated pockets of the populace where the look lives on to this day.

Next week’s history lesson: Which came first? The chicken, or the bucket?

Today is Super Bowl Sunday, and as such there are a lot of unique programming blocks on TV.  While flipping around, I noticed that the Do It Yourself Network, issued the charge of creating counter programming to compete with the sporting event of the year, has chosen to run a marathon of Knitty Gritty, their how-to knitting show.  It will be on for several hours.

I’d like to think that the executive in charge of the decision to air a marathon of knitting shows up against the Super Bowl was adamant about his choice.  I picture him thinking to himself… “Super Bowl… Super Bowl… Super Bowl… what can we do to… THAT’S IT!  Knitty Gritty!  Excellent.  I’m a fucking genius.”  Then, later, as the other execs argued and fought and pooh-poohed his ideas, he stuck to his guns because the executive that I made up in my head is a man of principles.  He says, “Fuck no, we are going with Knitty Gritty.  The women will love it.  Knitty Gritty.”  Then, as opposition remains steadfast, he resorts to simply repeating the phrase “Knitty Gritty” over and over again.  I mean, who needs to add more, doesn’t “Knitty Gritty” pretty much say it all?  I’d like to have that sort of conviction one day.

They are playing “The Planet of the Apes” on the History Channel.

Think about it.