On last night’s episode of SNL, we were shown the real future of cinema.
It’s Laser Cats.
There can be no doubt about it. James Cameron, the living genius, the creator of two of the highest-grossing films of all time, the chief deity of over a dozen cults - has shown us the way. Click the unrelated image below, and then dare to come back here and leave a comment about how what I have said is anything but the gospel truth.
Ohmigod!
After checking out the latest NonProductive video on youtube, consider sticking around to watch the following abomination.
My nephew was watching some delightful children’s programming earlier and this theme song came on. Please do not ask what is going on in this video for I have no sh*tting idea.
Happy Youtube Surfing,
<3
Samantha “Was He on Celebrity Fit Club” Little
Ohmigod!
It’s no surprise that I am a complainer and this is one offender that cannot go unchecked. I am so tired of the ‘Go Green’ campaign. Everyone is pushing it and I, for one, am sick and tired of getting dirty looks for not purchasing the lame-ass reusable cloth bag at the grocery store. I know I am not going to bring it back to use again and inflation is way too high to spare the $1.99. On a side note, all of these hippies are preventing drilling in
Alaska or the Bermuda Triangle or wherever all the oil is chilling. I have no proof of the claim but it sounds plausible.
Need more proof that ‘Go Green’ is pretty lame? Check out this link. This is absurd!!!
I say we need to stop making the earth such a spectacle. It’s kind of like that old rape story from a few years ago. Basically, when one person witnesses a crime, he/she is more likely to help out than if a whole group of people are witnessing it. If I think I am the only one caring about the environment, than I will be more inclined to do my part. All of this attention to the issue just makes me feel annoyed and convinces me that someone else will pick up the slack.
<3
Samantha “One Person Makes a Difference” Little
Ohmigod!!!
Vanity license plates and their owners are retarded.
Don’t try to dispute it. There is no argument. Vanity license plates and their owners are retarded.
Perhaps it is unfair of me to make such a controversial statement without explaining my rationale. I was driving to NonProductive today on scenic Route 1. Bored with driving, I decided to let my eyes wander and see if anything interesting was going on that I could bitch about on NonPro. My eyes landed to the car in front of me which had the distinctive license plate, ‘CRAZD.’ I could not believe that an individual would pay money just to advertise their mental handicap.
We all like to imagine that driving around with a license plate that says something ‘clever’ like ‘2FAST4U’ would automatically increase your cool factor. Unfortunately, in the real would, it makes you look retarded.
Outside of this terrible story of Route 1 distractions, there are several other reasons why such plates suck the big one.
The next time a vanity plate that says ‘H0TT1E’ seems tempted just remember these words of wisdom: no matter what the plate it says, it still says ‘R3TARD.’
‘1LUVU’
<3
Samantha ‘Plate Hater’ Little
P. S. If you plate says ‘R3DRUM,’ you should start heading for the Canadian border now. The cops have been trailing you for years.
IMPORTANT! Lindsey is talking.
On Tuesday April 8th, 2008, VH1’s “Best Week Ever” managing editor Alex Blagg posted a top ten list entitled “Top 10 Tips For Writing An Awesomely Funny Top 10 List On The Internet.” That, of course, gave me the inspiration to write the following amazingly questionable-at-best Top Ten list. VH1, I blame you!
Top 10 Reasons NonProductive Should be Taken Off the Air – Immediately!
10.) BLIND DRIVER STORIES
I mean - do we look for stories about blind drivers? There CANNOT be that many of them in the world, yet somehow we have managed to have multiple - that’s right – more than one story about blind drivers. I’m calling shenanigans at this point. Either the stories are fake or we go out of our way to find them and put them on the air. Bad journalism, my friends. Bad journalism.
9.) GIGGLING RETARD SYNDROME PROMO
Now, there may be some of you out there that have no idea what the GRS promo is. Well, that means only one thing - you don’t listen to the show. Like never. Like not for even 13 seconds once because you accidentally stumbled upon hearnewbrunswick.com on Thursday night, probably high or drunk, looking for some YouTube video about a sneezing panda or something. We play the GRS promo all the time. Why? We’re too lazy to actually record another promo. And it’s funny, I guess, to those born with no sense of humor. Sure, make fun of the dumb girls who can read their lines.
8.) BLATENT RACISM, SEXISM, AGISM…
I mean it. How the hell do we get away with some of the things we say? Is it because we’re cute, innocent girls? Then what is Frank’s excuse, or mine for that matter? Do we really hate everyone? It’s possible. But we haven’t gotten hate mail, yet, which means only one thing - we’re not nearly offensive enough.
7.) SERVER STORIES
You get it. Sam and I are servers. You get it. We hate our jobs. You get it. We hate kids, teenagers, lover birds, old people, young people, all people, those who can’t tip, those who can’t order, water no ice drinkers, menu item modifiers, large parties with split checks, small parties with split checks, and, well, the list goes on, but I guess you get the point. So, why do we spend so much time on our server stories? Well, it’s what we know and what we do. Besides, we have the mic. Take us off the air if you don’t like it. Oh, I guess that what this list is about. My bad.
6.) HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL
I agree, plain and simple. Make it end. Relieve us from our misery!
5.) RICK ROLLING
For those of you that haven’t heard the show recently, we have ventured into the world of Rick Rolling. If you don’t know what Rick Rolling is at this point, then you’ve obviously been living under a rock for the past month and, in doing so, have definitely let Rick Astley down. Nonetheless, Rick Rolling has become a very popular prank on NonProductive. So, popular, in fact that we’ve Rick Rolled more than our fair share of people. More offensively, however, is that we have now resorted to using the song as our bumper music, A LOT. I guess we’re just “never gonna give it up.”
4.) SAM + LINDSEY + FRANK
The Trifecta. The devilish trio. Partners in crime. A laundry list of terms that mean one thing. Cancer. No, wait, I mean a trio of radio personalities that give you cancer - I think. The foul things that come out of our mouths are enough to make even the strongest man break down and cry like the red-headed step child he is. Really. Give it a try - if you dare - you little pansy.
3.) THE LOUD IDIOTS
Even Sam and I are sorry about this one. Don’t get me wrong, we love the guys – but, like you, we know that when the Loud Idiots and Frank get together, a conglomerate of comic book, wrestling, movie, and cartoon knowledge take over, and those unfamiliar quickly get bitch-slapped by terms unknown to the common man.
2.) MANOS, THE HANDS OF FATE
I should have known that NonPro was doomed after watching Manos, the Hands of Fate, with the crew, voluntarily. It takes a sick, twisted mind to try to watch something like that - and those sick twisted minds do a radio show, every Thursday night from eight to ten.
1.) TOP TEN LISTS
Top Ten lists are frequently used on NonPro – Top Ten Sexiest Jobs, Top Ten Best Alternate Endings to Harry Potter, Top Ten Reasons to not be a Radio Personality - you get the point. Why? They usually aren’t funny and the top one choice is usually a big disappointment - much like this one. Thanks for wasting your time.
In honor (dread?) of the upcoming Loud Idiot Movie Awards, we here at NonProductive have kept tradition alive and agreed to host some of the voting on this year’s categories. And boy, did those idiots provide some f*cked up categories…
Enjoy!
You have to Register/Login to vote!
Best Film to TV Series
Total Voters: 9
Loading …Best TV Series to Film
Total Voters: 9
Loading …Best Rack
Total Voters: 8
Loading …Best Dick
Total Voters: 8
Loading …Best “B” That Should’ve Been An “A”
Total Voters: 7
Loading …Worst Use of a Robot on Screen
Total Voters: 9
Loading …Best Use of a Monkey on Screen
Total Voters: 9
Loading …Best Comic Book Movie THAT ISN’T BLADE!!!
Total Voters: 9
Loading …Most Pathetic Hero
Total Voters: 8
Loading …Worst Performance By a Professional Wrestler
Total Voters: 8
Loading …Most Extreme Makeover of an Original Concept
Total Voters: 9
Loading …Why Am I still Watching This Award
Total Voters: 8
Loading …Would’ve Been Better As A Short Film Award
Total Voters: 9
Loading …Most Versatile Actor/Actress
Total Voters: 9
Loading …Today, I’d like to do a quick review of a blog we featured in a recent episode of NonProductive on Click Radio, Stuff White People Like!
For those of you that haven’t listened to our show (shame on you), Stuff White People Like is a blog that features an ongoing list of all the things that the lovely members of the white race find enjoyable, complete with discourse on why exactly that may be. It’s very funny - mostly because it is so damn true.
Seriously… Oscar Parties? Whole Foods? Mos Def? What’s the deal, white people?! You used to be the master-race, now you’re just sad.
Although I completely agree with liking the idea of soccer. It’s just so cute!
