A NonProductive Blog

Samantha Little, Lindsey Saultz, and Frank Hablawi are joined in the studio with former “The Medium” Features Editor, John Minus. Unfortunately, Sam and Lindsey were pouched pre-show by the creative team that brought you “The Simple Life with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie”, but at least some funny sketches came out of the deal. This episode also features some NonProductive Classics and an interview with Tony Blair! So, sort your Power Rangers according the race and color, and tune in to NonProductive’s second episode on Click Radio!

Season: 11
Network: Click Radio
Host: Samantha Little

• NonProductive Show Wiki ::

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The Celebrity Hazmat: counting down the worst hazards to our favorite celebrities. Brought to you by NonProductive and Celebrity Slop exclusively on Click Radio.

Here is this weeks 5 biggest hazards facing celebrities:

Number 5: News Vans. Paris Hilton was released from jail yesterday causing a swarm of reporters to flood the narrow streets of her LA home. In anger, Hilton’s biggest supporters and neighbors turned their backs on the media by honking their horns and making obscene gestures at reporters. Who is to blame? Is it the media or is it Hilton who nicely ordered Taco Bell to be distributed amongst police and reporters? Those vans that were clogging the streets are the property of our distant media relatives. As members of the media we are not making big bucks, not making denero, not getting the bling bling. Free food distributed to us like we are third world children is welcome. It’s like dangling a bottle of vodka in front of Lindsey Lohan’s face. Of course the media would hang around Hilton’s home for free Taco Bell and perhaps that is what she wanted. My ruling: Hilton was at fault and neighbors, keep your hands at 10 and 2 and not flashing the middle finger in my face. That could cause accidents you jackasses.

Hazard Bite Number 4: Acting Careers. The AP reported this week that Christina Aguilera is currently reading movie scripts in hopes of finding the right one to help launch her acting career. The 26 year old says she is quote, “looking forward to moving into another form of what [she] feels in another creative outlet”. Christina I thought you were one of the original pop princesses we were going to be able to save. Look how others have fallen: Jessica Simpson made “The Dukes of Hazzard”, Britney Spears made “Crossroads”. You just need to accept that God made you a successful singer. If I decided to expand my creative juices to say firefighting, lives would surely be lost and if you decide to make movies countless hours of some innocent critics lives will be scarred forever.

Hazard number 3: Baby Daddy. According to X17 Online, Britney Spears is set to file a restraining order against her mother Lynne citing that she no longer wants her mother around her children due to Lynne’s alleged abuse of prescription pain killers. Apparently Lynne’s trips to K-Fed’s house to visit little Sean and Jayden has put Britney on edge. Britney if you mother has issues than a restraining order…well still seems a bit excessive; however, I can’t blame you for being afraid of your mother. Look how you turned out.

Hazard number 2: Vegetarians. PETA has released the winners of its annual “world’s sexiest vegetarians” contest. Topping the list was Carrie Underwood and Kevin Eubanks. I just want to state for the record that I have no problems with vegetarians but I am calling for a “sexiest meat eaters contest”. How can fabulous celebrities like Michael Moore win a sexy award if they enjoy eating McDonald’s cheeseburgers every now and than. Also, our own Lindsey Saultz was left off the sexiest vegetarian list…come on PETA.

And the Biggest hazard to celebrities this week: Water. Paula Abdul was spotted at a party recently drinking Smirnoff Source, a spring water with a 3.5% alcohol content that provides an ultra-premium alternative to domestic beer. The product is designed to be “sophisticated” and an introduction of a lower-alcohol beer product to the market. Folks, we cannot remove celebrities from alcohol…just think of all the great stories we would have missed out on. Paris would have never gone to jail because she wouldn’t have failed a sobriety test; Lindsey Lohan would have never had that crazy memorial day weekend; and Mel Gibson would have never given that anti-semetic rant a couple of months back. I think this water is just a ploy so that Lindsey Lohan can have Smirnoff sponsor an AA approved 21^st birthday bash.
And that’s not only dangerous, it’s straight up with a lemon twist hazardous.

This has been NonProductive’s Celebrity Hazmat and now were moving on.

Click here for our Podcast!

It’s finally here! Sam, Lindsey, and Frank kick off NonProductive on Click Radio. The pilot gives you an idea of who they are and what they do with some new sketches and NonPSAs, not to mention NonPro News and Celebrity Slop. Finally, NonProductive ends the night with a Sopranos sketch that was much more violent and stereotypical than the series finale itself.

Season: 11
Network: Click Radio
Host: Samantha Little

• NonProductive's Wiki ::

File Download (60:00 min / 27 MB)

Good Evening and welcome to NonPro news. My name is Lindsey Saultz and here are tonight’s top stories.

The Associated Press reports that Television character Herman Munster has become one of the most recent victims of identity theft. Crooks in an underground chat room for selling stolen credit card numbers and personal information used Munster’s information to apply for a credit card.

The address on the card reflected Munster’s television address, 1313 Mockingbird Lane. Also, Munster’s birthday was listed as August 15^th, 1964, very near the shows initial air date in September 1964.

Evidence shows that the thief, know as “supra”, was from overseas. Apparently, he had no idea that Herman Munster was, in fact, a fictional character, or that the show has been off air for years.

In other news, the Associated Press reports that the eight-year old, hermaphroditic, two-headed snake that was the main attraction at the World Aquarium has passed. We, the snake, was expected to only live for a week or two.

We’s handler, Leonard Sonnenschein, said millions of people have seen the snake throughout the years. Children were particularly excited to see how the snake would try to move in two different directions at the same time.

Sonnenschein said they wanted to try to breed the snake with another two-headed snake this summer. They had tried in the past, but it was unsuccessful. The female head wasn’t feeling well that night.

We will be preserved and put on display at the Aquarium within the week.

Another slithery creature is making the news this week. The Associated Press reports that hagfish, a slimy bottom feeder with teeth on its tongue, is actually considered an aphrodisiac in South Korea. The creature, which had a cameo on “Fear Factor” is sought out by men that seek the Viagra-like effects they believe the hagfish help produce. The market for this fish has increased in the past year, especially on the west coast. Frank is out in California now with more.

Frank: Thanks Lindsey. It’s true, these repulsive creatures are helping the West Coast’s fish market. Four years ago, California was barely exporting hagfish. Now, they are catching about 150,000 pounds a year.

<to the side> What’s that? Oh really? Great!! <on Mic> Wow, they have prepared some hagfish for me to try right now. Oh wow, that looks terrible. <eating noises>

Lindsey: So, how does it taste?

Frank: Wow, this is pretty terrible. I don’t know how they can eat this on a regular basis. For NonPro news, this is Frank Hablawi, back to you in New Jersey.

Lindsey: Thanks Frank, and enjoy the rest of the hagfish.

Frank: Oh I will. By the way, what are you wearing?

Lindsey; Wait, what?!? I don’t think that’s very appropriate Frank. Come on.

Frank: Yeah, sorry about that. Well, then what’s Sam wearing?

Lindsey: Nothing.

Frank: Nothing!?!

Lindsey: No, wait, she’s wearing something. I meant we should stop talking about this. I’m trying to do serious news here.

Frank; Well, you can do the news naked. The Canadians do it.

Lindsey: You really want to be like the Canadians? <off mic> Quick, cut his mic! That’s going to be all for Naked News, I mean NonPro News. Thanks to Frank Hablawi and Sam in Production. For the NonPro Team, I’m Lindsey Saultz, thanks for tuning in and stay weird world.

Click here for our Podcast!

“Don’t Stop Believing? We won’t Sopranos, we won’t… Also, misheard lyrics from famous songs!”

Season: 11
Network: WRSU
Host: Jim Schreyer

• NonProductive's Wiki Article for This Episode :: June 11, 2007

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