After a long weekend covering DEXCON 10, the crew sit back and reminisce on all the good times. This episode features DEXCON coverage highlights, as well as a sneak peek into The Simpsons Movie with a trivia contest and giveaway!
Season: 11
Network: Click Radio
Host: Samantha Little
File Download (60:00 min / 27 MB)
Good Evening and welcome to NonPro News. My name is Lindsey Saultz and here are tonight’s top stories.
The Republicans are at it again. A planned Republican fundraiser in New Hampshire aims to promote gun ownership.
How?
By letting supporters fire off military strength weapons. For the low, low price of twenty-five dollars, the Manchester Republican Committee is allowing party members to spend a day trying out automatic weapons.
Democrats are upset about the event. They think it is in poor taste amid a spike of violent crimes in Manchester.
The organizer of the event, Jerry Thibodeau, disagrees. He said, “It’s a fun day. It’s a family day.”
A family day? Seriously, when did New Hampshire become a southern state?
In other news, a store in a small town in Eastern Germany didn’t miss a beat when a slender, blonde woman entered the story in the nude.
Ines Swoboda, an employee at the gas station that the mystery woman visited, said it’s happened before. “I wasn’t surprised because she’s come in naked before – she’s a very nice woman.” Additionally none of the other customers were bothered.
In all fairness, she wasn’t completely naked – she was wearing a thin gold bracelet and gold stilettos.
Always match your accessories ladies – even if that’s all you’re wearing.
And finally, Mexicans are taking over the world – with the siesta that is. The Parliament of the Republic of Hungary is looking to make a law about introducing the midday nap.
Eight million voters in Hungary may soon be asked to vote on a bill to introduce the siesta. The National Election Committee ruled late Monday that it was fit for referendum. Proponents of the bill have collected two hundred thousand signatures to force the referendum.
Since democracy came to Hungary after the fall on communism in 1989, there have been frequent referendums. Only two have passed though, the one on joining NATO and the European Union.
It’s a surprise that their referendum proposal about making beer free in restaurants failed.
Oh wait, no it’s not. Gotta love their spirit though.
And that concludes this week’s NonPro News. For the NonPro team, I’m Lindsey Saultz. Thanks for tuning in and stay weird world.
The Celebrity Hazmat: counting down the worst hazards to our favorite celebrities. Brought to you by NonProductive and Celebrity Slop exclusively on Click Radio.
Here is this weeks 5 biggest hazards facing celebrities:
Number 5: The Internet. This past week, Beyonce took a nose dive down a staircase while performing in
Hazard Bite Number 4: Baby Daddy II: The Fierce Father Edition . According to OK! Magazine, K-Fed, former husband to Britney Spears, is currently the first steps to sole custody of their 2 children, Sean Preston and Jayden James. Kevin is reportedly angry at Britney for putting his kids in Jeopardy following a laundry list of recent public escapades. Whip out your notebooks people because here is a lesson for us all to learn. Firstly, Kudos to K-Fed for taking an interest in his children. Secondly, Britney everybody around you is against you. How could you not see this coming. Perhaps if you listened to NonPro a few weeks ago you would have heard that you were trying to get a restraining order against your mother. According to OK! Magazine, your mother and bodyguards are feeding Kevin details of your public affairs and your former assistant are all working to help Kevin get custody. Moral of the story: you should have listened to our show.
Hazard number 3: Johnny Knoxville. Everyone’s favorite Jackass pranked his pal Luke Wilson. What did
Hazard number 2: Cocaine Fairies. Lindsey Lohan was arrested early Tuesday Morning on suspicion of drunk driving. The 21 year old refused a breathalyzer and failed numerous other sobriety tests. Lohan with also caught in possession of a small amount of what appeared to be cocaine. In an email to Access Hollywood, Lohan claimed she was innocent and didn’t do drugs. In fact the drugs were not even hers. I don’t know about a normal person who didn’t drugs is usually not in possession of any said drugs. Are we supposed to believe that the cocaine magically materialize in your possession. I’m sure a great lawyer would agree with these words of wisdom, “Drugs in your possession? Then your bitch ass best be confessin.”
And the Biggest hazard to celebrities this week: Rob Schneider. Lindsey Lohan was set to appear on the Jay Leno show earlier this week to promote her newest mistake, I Know Who
This has been NonProductive’s Celebrity Hazmat…now,
In this very special episode of NonProductive, Sam, Lindsey, and Frank are taught a valuable lesson about swearing. The girls also offered their answer to the infamous “Waiters Sketch” with their own “Server Sketch”. NonPro also teases its live coverage of DEXCON 10 all weekend long!
DEXCON 10 Coverage!!!
NonProductive covered the best-damn gaming convention on the east-coast all weekend long, and here is their Special Three Part series on the event. Take a listen as Lindsey, Sam, Frank, and John check out the Board Games, Role-Playing Games, War Games, and Video Games, not to mention interviews with Tony DiGerolamo, The Cherry Hill Experiment, Knight Realms, Jenifer Rodgers, Bill Hollbrook, The Indie Press Revolution, CJ Henderson, The Fangirl Project, and much, much more!
Season: 11
Network: Click Radio
Host: Samantha Little
File Download (60:00 min / 27 MB)
Good Evening and welcome to NonPro news. My name is Lindsey Saultz and here are tonight’s top stories.
We’ve known for a while that the German’s were an intolerant bunch, but it wasn’t until Monday that the world found out just how intolerant. A bus drive in Lindau reinstated the “move to the back of the bus” law. However, cleavage, not skin color, was the basis for discrimination.
A twenty-year old sales clerk was asked to move because she was too sexy. She reported that the driver said, and I quote.
“Your cleavage is distracting me every time I look into my mirror and I can’t concentrate on the traffic. If you don’t sit somewhere else, I’m going to have to throw you off the bus.”
I wonder if that can be held up in a court of law. If he crashed the bus, who would be at fault? Could her ta-tas be used as a legitimate reason, like say rain or snow, for his lack of attention to the road? Hmmm…
Seems to me that some ones are a little too into Carrie Underwood. See, even good ‘ole country music turns people to the dark side. Who woulda thunk?
They found a pistol, a knife, whiskey flasks, set of false teeth, two dog skulls, and a blade from a set of sheep shears.
Project Archeologist John Foster said, “It might be an early crime scene. It looks like two dogs were decapitated. Then, whoever did it dumped the skulls and the blades in the outhouse. He was probably sure someone wouldn’t look too deep into the privy.”
Well, even back then they flushed their pets down the john. A tradition that persists generation after generation I guess. Maybe it’s just me, but I always thought it disturbing. Seeing poor little Jerry swirling in the throne and being sucked away.
Anyway, that is going to conclude tonight’s NonPro news. For the NonPro team, I’m Lindsey Saultz. Thanks for tuning in and stay weird world.
Samantha Little, Lindsey Saultz, and Frank Hablawi have a Harry Potter themed episode in honor of the premiere of “Order of the Phoenix” and are joined by a NonPro alumni Jesse Baruffi! After baffling the crowd with her encyclopedic knowledge of Harry Potter Trivia, Sam shocks everyone by bringing up the Big Bad Beetleborgs. Unfortunately, NonProductive must say goodbye to Jesse Baruffi as he leaves New Jersey for parts unknown, but happily he promises to send Roving Reporter sketches from his journeys.
Season: 11
Network: Click Radio
Host: Samantha Little
File Download (60:00 min / 27 MB)
Good Evening and welcome to NonPro News. My name is Lindsey Saultz and here are tonight’s top stories.
Only flightless birds and properly cared for electrical wires can prevent forest fires. On Monday, a bird, which caught fire after it flew into exposed elements from an electrical wire, may have started a two-acre wildfire.
Pitkin County Deputy Joe Bauer said, “the bird got zapped when it hit one of those things they call a terminator. Then it fell, probably on fire, right at the base of one of those poles.”
Brilliantly put. Sounds like they know exactly what happened. The only proof is a chard bird on the ground. Great.
In other news, in Germany, police thought they too would have to solve the mystery of a dead body. This time, though, the body was a man’s.
Neighbors were complaining about a nasty smell seeping into the stairwell of an apartment building and alerted police. The shutters on the apartment had been closed for more than a week and the mailbox was filled with uncollected mail.
However, upon entering the apartment, police found nothing but a sleeping man with smelly feet and a pile of dirty clothes.
Sir, you know you have a problem when you stink so badly that your neighbors think your dead and decaying. Bathe yourself, for everyone’s sake.
And finally, feminists in Pamplona Spain are advocating for the well being of cows. Either that, or they are trying to change the rules of a long tradition so they too can be accommodated.
Women are trying to get their own version of the bull-running festival. Theirs would involve cows. Their reasoning, “cows want to run”.
Their manifesto reads “Cows, as well as bulls, have four legs and a natural instinct to run. An encierro for cows would put Pamplona at the vanguard of traditional fiestas with equality for men and women.”
Men and women? I thought they were advocating for cows. Or are they using the well being of the cows to parallel their own equality. Are they comparing men and women to bulls and cows? So women are cows.
BEAT
Ok, I officially do not approve.
And now, a special report. In NonProductive’s never-ending search for truth, we must sometimes go out into the wider world. We now bring you Jesse Baruffi, wandering reporter. Jesse?
Thanks Jesse, and good luck with Harmione, and the well story, I guess. And that concludes this week’s NonPro News. For the NonPro team, I’m Lindsey Saultz. Thanks for tuning in and stay weird world.
NonProductive was honored to have The Loud Idiots as special guests this week, there to celebrate the Fourth of July as well as the long awaited release of the live-action Transformers movie! Sam and Lindsey were dragged through a nostalgic romp of Transformers Past as Frank joins up with Loud Idiots Ken “Longshot” Smith, Big Poppa Pete, and Den “Bubba” Mobley to make the girls’ every geek-nightmare come true. This episode features numerous sketches on Americana and plenty of Transformer parodies, including the grim masterpiece “Transformers: Affirmative Action!” John Minus returns to provide a few voices and Ahmed Chater butchers a Yakov Smirnoff joke. All this and loads more on this episode of NonProductive!
Season: 11
Network: Click Radio
Host: Samantha Little
File Download (60:00 min / 27 MB)
Good Evening and welcome to the Fourth of July edition of NonPro news. My name is Lindsey Saultz and here are tonight’s top stories.
At the Liberty Street Carryout, the National Anthem has become a daily phenomenon for the diners many patrons.
Waitress Judy Hawkins began singing the anthem several months ago. She sang along to a local radio station’s noon broadcast of the “Star-Spangled Banner” – which is the national anthem for you ignorant and/or foreign people.
The tradition stuck and now it’s a growing ritual. Hawkins said “We just think it’s good to honor the ‘Star-Spangled Banner’. The public enjoys it. They stop eating and join in.”
Really?!? Sing-a-long dining?!? If my waitress started singing, I would get up and leave…without paying the bill… and without tipping…and possibly without keeping myself from vomiting.
In less nauseating news, apparently the Canadians suck more than we originally thought. According to a poll released on Friday, most Canadians know so little about their country that they would flunk the basic citizenship test.
Only four percent of the citizens knew the requirements needed to be eligible to vote. Only a third, could identify the number of provinces and territories. By the way people, America has fifty states. Consider yourself informed.
A similar survey was taken in 1997, and forty-five percent of the citizens failed the test. This year, Canada proved that it will not be out done, even by itself, clocking an impressive sixty percent failure rate.
Additionally, they refuse to be outdone by the ignorant Americans as well. Though America has an impressive team of citizens who are completely clueless, Canada seems to be on it’s way to taking the crown. Well..
SOT: “F**K you Canada”
And finally, the hottest story of the day.
On the day to celebrate our independence and prove our worth of being a free nation, we earned a trophy. Well, actually, twenty-three-year-old Joey Chestnut from California did. Chestnut beat six-time Nathan’s hot dog eating champion Tackeru Kobayashi by a slim margin. Take that Japan.
Chestnut consumed a record setting sixty-six hot dogs in twelve minutes. That’s one every 10.9 seconds - for you mathematically challenged Americans.
However, Kobayashi didn’t leave completely shamed. He beat his own record by nine and a half dogs. And, in all fairness, Kobayashi was not completely fit for the competition. He recently had a wisdom tooth pulled and was receiving physical therapy. He will be in better shape for next year’s competition, which he promises to compete in.
We now have Nathan’s hot dog eating champ on the phone for an interview. Hello Mr. Chestnut.
Mr.Chestnut?
BEAT
Hello Sir. Are you there?
BEAT
Ok, we’ve just received word that Joey Chestnut has slipped in to a sodium induced food coma. He will not be able to take questions for a few days. Congratulations Joey.
And I would also like to congratulate America for producing the most gluttonous competitor in the world. But you already knew that America.
And that’s going to wrap it up for this week’s NonPro News. For the NonPro team, I’m Lindsey Saultz. Thanks for tuning in and stay weird world.
